I know how to separate the truth from drivel. Basically, what looks good and can last versus a short term trend. I’m going to provide you a brief guide on the perils of men’s fashion. Buckle up.
- Spandex: This is practical for professional athletes or those training for athletic competition, such as road bike racing or track and field. You need to be in great shape to pull it off. Even if you have great quads or giant glutes, having them on full display in the wrong situation, along with your package, is still an eye sore. It’s best to think “less is more.” Let the ladies give you something nice to look at instead of your buddy. If you really need to squeeze them on, then wear something over them like shorts. Adrian Greiner should have known better. And what’s up with the girl next to him?
- UGG Australia boots: These boots are a trend for women, meaning it’s overpriced and designed for their looks and comfort. Men need boots that are also comfortable, but rugged, durable, waterproof and mean. They have a men’s line but the brand is strongly associated for women. So don’t fool yourself, even if your girlfriend is. Go instead for Red Wings, Timberlands, Sorel, Clarks or L.L. Bean. Bed/Stu is a newer brand but uses old world fundamentals. Also, never tuck your pants into your boots unless you’re climbing a mountain.
- Shorts: Wearing casual shorts is comfortable during the warmer months, but make sure they’re the proper length, which is past mid thigh and at or above the knee. Michael Jordan had the right idea when he went to longer shorts, possibly starting this thankful trend. Also, it’s imperative to wear shorts at this length during a workout to avoid a free peep show of the family jewels. Again, “less is more.” And don’t wear jean shorts. Mustache is optional.
- Loud Sports Jacket: Loud professional sport jackets emblazoned with your favorite team logo can be a blinding experience. It’s great to know you love the Cubs, but to announce it 5 miles away is a bit too much. For some reason, teams that design these jackets think they need their logo and colors super bold, possibly converting us to their team. Go for something more subtle and understated, with low key prints, colors subdued or only wear it to the game. Sports clothes is less a fashion statement and more an affiliation for your favorite team.
- Socks with Sandals: Logically, this just doesn’t make sense, just like wearing suspenders with a belt. But it still doesn’t stop some of us from giving it a go. Sandals are designed so your feet are exposed, usually due to warm climates, letting them breathe. So wearing socks defeats the purpose. Put on shoes if socks are necessary…well, this should visually explain everything.
So there you have it. That’s Part I and next week we’ll have Part II. So keep a few of these suggestions in mind to avoid side glances and unexpected giggles. If there’s anything you’d like to add, please let us know.
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